“Being the one who cared more? No. Not in the way you might think. I mean, sure I got hurt. Sure, he moved on with his heart intact and I’ve been picking up the pieces ever since. But I get to sleep easy at night knowing that I will love again. That I can love that much. And that he can’t. Not now, not until he lets go of the high that comes with being the one who leaves, who only loves when it is convenient. I don’t want a love of convenience. And if you have to be the one who always leaves, well, that’s the only kind you get."
“Being the one who cared more? No. Not in the way you might think. I mean, sure I got hurt. Sure, he moved on with his heart intact and I’ve been picking up the pieces ever since. But I get to sleep easy at night knowing that I will love again. That I can love that much. And that he can’t. Not now, not until he lets go of the high that comes with being the one who leaves, who only loves when it is convenient. I don’t want a love of convenience. And if you have to be the one who always leaves, well, that’s the only kind you get."
“You are so much more than the people who couldn’t love you enough to stay. What is meant for you will always find you. Always.”
Today, I learned an important lesson from my therapist.
At the end of our hour, she told me that although I’ve been hurt and broken badly, she can see I still have parts that aren’t shattered.
I laughed lightly and I said “Yeah, one day that will be all of me, no parts shattered anymore”,
And she said “No, it won’t.”
And, for a second, I felt my heart break - but she continued.
“But it will be the most dominant part of you. Think of your body - if you break your shoulder, even after it heals it will be tender. It will be a sore spot. You will be careful with it. There will be a gentleness when you care for it. If you crack a rib, laughing will hurt and, even after there is no longer a fracture, you may laugh lighter just in case. You can heal, but it is okay to be aware of the parts of you that once hurt the most. The most important thing to know is that where there is tenderness, let there be gentleness.”


